Sunday, June 01, 2008

Great news for St Kilda Saints supporters

September 30, 2037. Demetriou Dome, New Delhi, India.

The Saints finally won that elusive second premiership with a hard fought and thrilling 2 point win over the West Sydney Mortgage Defaulters, in front of 250,000 fans at the Demetriou Dome (Named in honour of the greatest and most influential person ever involved with the AFL) in New Delhi. The Saints overcame tough opposition, a hostile crowd and oppressive temperatures to become the first club to win a premiership after finishing the home and away rounds in 24th position. The Saints cleverly exploited the "Mark Williams Finals System" to clinch a berth in the play-off after just 18 preceding finals. The 24 teams in the 48 team competition that missed the finals are considering a protest.

Star of the triumph and winner of the Demetriou Statue (Named in honour of the greatest and most influential person ever involved with the AFL. It replaced the Norm Smith Medal in 2010), awarded for best afield, was none other than ageless St.Kilda champion, 65 year old midfielder, Robert Harvey.

At his usual relentless running best, Harvey, in his 1035th game for the Saints, accumulated 35 possessions and capped his performance by scoring 3 Demetrious (Replaced the goal in 2010 and named in honour of the greatest and most influential person ever involved with the AFL) in the second half, including the winner, just seconds before the final siren.

Victorious St.Kilda coach, Connor Harvey, was full of praise for his father's efforts. Connor, himself a fine player, although retired since 2032, described the old man as, a marvel, role model and mentor of the highest order. He could work on his defensive accountability a bit more, and he could kick a few more goals, but at his age I have to cut him some slack. What the hell, we finally got the chocolates. No one deserves this more than dad. Now his CV is complete at last. Two Brownlows, 2 Demetriou Medals (Replaced the Brownlow Medal in 2010 as
the award for the Fairest and Best player in the AFL. It is named in honour of the greatest and most influential person ever involved with the AFL), 6 club best and fairest, the last two won in his fifties, AFL MVP, Legend, Hall of Fame member and AFL lifetime achievement Award, The Anderson, named after the patron saint of interstate clubs, Adrian Anderson.

The typically humble Harvey was full of praise for his team mates, refusing to accept individual accolades. "The best part of today, and we had a bit of luck with the new grandfather/grandson rule brought in this year, was that I got to play in a premiership with my two grandsons, Grant and Thomas. They were superb, weren't they?" enthused the champ. Devoted wife Danielle stood beside her man, beaming with pride. "I couldn't be more proud of him. He's been a bit of a handful at the Rod Butterss maximum security home for the aged this year, but it's all
turned out all right in the end. They just can't control him. They've tried rotating tags of nurses, but he just grinds them into the dirt. He can't be stopped. At least now he can retire, as he's been promising to do for the last 35 years!"

St.Kilda President, Michael Rix, was on hand to accept the long awaited premiership cup, but somehow failed to take full possession of it,eventually fumbling and dropping it on the floor. "Another touchless outing, I'm afraid, " lamented the President.

Vice President of Australia, Corey Worthington, standing in for the President of the Australian Republic, Deborah Mailman, was on hand to present the Demetriou Statue to the humble saints hero. Worthington then mumbled something about the premiership celebrations were on back at his place and that he'd text all his mates to bring their friends and grog.

Meanwhile, Harvey thanked his sponsors, R & X Clarke Prosthetics, for extending his career. The company was founded by former St.Kilda players, Raphael and Xavier Clarke, who based their research and product development on their own continually shattering bodies. They became the largest makers of prosthetic devices in the world, with Harvey the face of the company.

Harvey's original heart is on display at the National Museum, in the Australian Capital, Noosa, next to that of Phar Lap. His artificial heart, the RX 5000, has delivered reliable and consistent performance after a rocky start. "Couldn't have done it without the new technology,"admitted Harvey. "The big ones this year though, were the titanium hips and knees. They'll last another 20 seasons."

At this point, Danielle Harvey collapsed, sobbing uncontrollably. When she challenged the great man about his promise to retire if the Saints finally landed a flag, her husband shot back, "We've got to try for back-to back flags, don't we?

No comments: